Today's post is very special! I got in contact with Coby and Ashlynn Mitchell about a month ago after they started following me on Instagram and I looked over their stuff and started following their story. They inspired me and I have loved being apart of their journey. Now while James and I personally can't relate to their situation, we can relate to the love that they have for each other and that is what inspired me. Like I said before I got in contact with Ashlynn about a month ago after I got thinking maybe someone who reads our blog might benefit from hearing their story. I was thrilled when Ashlynn and Coby agreed to share their story with The Mr. & The Mrs. Blog and answer a few questions. You are probably like .. well, what is their story? Therefore I think it is time I let Ashlynn and Coby take it from here.
Coby and Ashlynn celebrated 17 years of marriage in January of 2017. It was a very happy celebration and definitely their best yet as they have put in countless hours to heal & make change for the better. They have 2 little girls that took them 8 years to get and both work from home. Ashlynn mentors those seeing healthy changes in fitness and nutrition while Coby mentors those seeking true recovery from addiction. They live in Orem, Utah and run a fitness/nutrition business and also a marriage and relationship business ... both with the sole reason to give HOPE.
Their marriage started on a lie & was built on a rocky foundation. Sure there were moments, even years of bliss where they were truly happy. Traveling the world, living successful careers & even building their dream home ... but that is because they weren't dealing with core issues. If you don't talk about it, it goes away right?!? I wish, we both do but it doesn't work that way unfortunately. Life got hard around year 12 of marriage and not having skills to cope in a healthy way things when down fast. In 2014 recovery from sex addiction and betrayal trauma began and has continued with sharing of their journey each day. Their message is to let others know there is more than just surviving - we are meant to THRIVE and there are so many resources to help us find that.
Porn was my great thief of self worth for more than 28 years. I was 38 years old when, for the first time in my life, I said out loud to my wife, “I’m proud of who I am.” With tears in my eyes I reflected on the painful lies, deceit and heartache I inflicted on myself and my wife. That moment I realized I could not have been more free of shame, grateful and full of hope for the future.
To view the rest of Coby's story click HERE.
To hear Coby's story please watch below.
For most of my 16 year marriage I believed the lies I was told and that replayed in my head. I believed I was not enough and never would be emotionally or physically. I believed that my marriage had hard moments because I was a jerk, quick to anger, a prude and unforgiving. If only I was … then we’d be happier. I suspected his behaviors our first month of marriage and pulled back. I lost trust in his actions and words. I didn’t understand why the man I married chose to seek other women over the one right in front of his face. I didn’t understand, and nor did he that it was an addiction that could not be cured by marriage, religion or prayer alone.
To read the rest of Ashylnn's story click HERE.
To hear Ashlynn's story please watch below.
What are some of the feelings you had & how did you two work through this?
Starting recovery after years of isolation and lies sounds like it may have been a relief but quite honestly it was really hard. Insurance didn't cover the cost at all and we had already spent thousands on therapy that hadn't worked for us. We took one giant step and invested in our marriage at Addo Recovery in Lindon, Utah. Just weeks later Coby was laid off from his job and we had to make a choice to continue specialized therapy or to give up. We continued and had faith that this was going to work for us. Then the bomb dropped with FULL disclosure and we felt very unsure what we would do. Would we keep trying, separate, divorce? We opted for an in-house separation and continued to work recovery but in a very individualized way. Never couples therapy, just put our heads down and did the really hard work to not only heal but to find empathy for each other and the love that had been lost. It was 8 months before we realized that staying together was a very REAL option. Seeing each other working recovery every.single.day was life changing for us.
What is some advice you would like to give?
We are not meant to go through life fighting for more alone. We shared because our friend shared on social media years ago and it not only changed our lives but created a better life! If you are struggling in ANY WAY reach out! Reach out to someone you feel safe with, ask for help, and seek professional help. There is so much light and knowledge here on the earth right now you can get very specialized help. Our story may be different than yours but if you go into making change with the attitude that this is for YOU and no one else, find someone to be accountable to and find a professional to teach you the skills to KEEP GOING then your life will certainly change!
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